Grumpy with a chance of snarl

Last night was destined to be a perfect sleep.

I magically caught my sleep window, the temperature in the room was exactly right, my sheets were clean and my jammies were cosy.  I even had the perfect book - she's like an old acquaintance; you remember enough to know that it all works out happily ever after but don't remember everything so you're still pleased by the details.  It was delicious.  I started to drift off at the end of a chapter, so I closed my book and turned off the light.  I was 3 breaths away from perfect REM when ...

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

I gently shook his shoulder, he rolled over, there was blissful peace for 2 minutes

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

I rubbed his back, ahhh, quiet ...

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

I "allegedly" nudged ("hit") him with my elbow really hard between the shoulder blades.

"Was I snoring?"
"Yes."
"Sorry"

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

So I slept on the couch.  And when I say slept, I mean "lay in the dark with my eyes open not sleeping."


Alternate titles for this post:

"I don't know why you're on the floor ... maybe there was an earthquake?"

"I'm really sorry he's dead officer, but the snoring never stopped ... "