Assumptions

So my plan of writing 2 - 3 times per week fell to the wayside as I embraced a battle with city hall.  More on that another time.

Now on to what got me riled up today.

I am a stay at home mom.  Please stop making assumptions about me.

First of all, for once and for all.  I DO NOT BAKE.  I have no desire to learn to bake.  I do not feel guilty about not baking.  If an occasion calls for baked goods I am more than happy to support local small businesses.  They do it for a living for a reason.  They're good at it.  You're having a bake sale?  good for you.  I'm more than happy to purchase your wares, or help you sell them but stop assuming I will contribute.

Second, yes I have a lot of time.  But I have filled that time with things that are important to me.  If I don't volunteer for something I probably have another commitment.  Or maybe I did a lot of work at a previous event and am of the opinion that it is someone else's turn.

Third, it is ok to say no sometimes.  Saying no does not make a bad person or a bitch.  Why don't you ask me why I said no, perhaps it's the same reason I didn't volunteer in the first place.  I'm happy to explain and won't be insulted and it's nicer than talking behind my back.

Third, part 2, do not assume I am going to do something.  Or just start including me on email strings and assigning me jobs.  Especially jobs I am NOT qualified to do.  This is not cool.

Forth, I do not spend my day doing any of the following:
- watching TV
- playing Farmville
- obsessively cleaning
- getting manicures / pedicures / spa treatments
- shoe shopping (ok fine, occasionally I shop for shoes, but only when I need some happy)

Fifth, yes, I spend too much time on Facebook and Perez Hilton. I'm fine with that.  I also read the newspaper everyday.  Find happiness where you can people.

Sixth,  I do get lonely for grown-up conversation but no, I haven't decided when I'm going back to work.  Mostly because I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.  Besides, I'm mom and I'm good at it.

Even if I don't bake.

Grumpy with a chance of snarl

Last night was destined to be a perfect sleep.

I magically caught my sleep window, the temperature in the room was exactly right, my sheets were clean and my jammies were cosy.  I even had the perfect book - she's like an old acquaintance; you remember enough to know that it all works out happily ever after but don't remember everything so you're still pleased by the details.  It was delicious.  I started to drift off at the end of a chapter, so I closed my book and turned off the light.  I was 3 breaths away from perfect REM when ...

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

I gently shook his shoulder, he rolled over, there was blissful peace for 2 minutes

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

I rubbed his back, ahhh, quiet ...

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

I "allegedly" nudged ("hit") him with my elbow really hard between the shoulder blades.

"Was I snoring?"
"Yes."
"Sorry"

ZZZZzzz-GGGhhhaaAAA-ZZZZGGAAHHzzzzz

repeat.

So I slept on the couch.  And when I say slept, I mean "lay in the dark with my eyes open not sleeping."


Alternate titles for this post:

"I don't know why you're on the floor ... maybe there was an earthquake?"

"I'm really sorry he's dead officer, but the snoring never stopped ... "

bring on the new

So it's Easter Sunday and we're off to church.  I don't mind too much.  I was up anyway.

I'm anxious, since we started going to the country on weekends we have a new church.  I'm comfortable at our old "city" church.  They know me.  No one looks at me askance anymore when I wear jeans, drink coffee in my pew, and don't sing, pray or take communion.  It's actually kind of handy being the atheist, ex-Sunday School teacher.

As the lone honest atheist at the church, it was very liberating.  I never pretended and once had a very frank and stimulating discussion with the head minister about my non-belief.  We agreed to disagree.  No harm, no foul.  I respect anyone's right to believe as I would hope they would respect my right not to believe.

I am often asked why I bother going and my answers have seemed baffling to some.  "It is important to my husband and I love him.  My daughter needs to be exposed so that she will get all the information she needs in order to make her own decisions about faith."

As for the whole Sunday School thing, there was a need and I pitched in when no-one else would.  One might say it was very "Christian" of me.

Now I have a whole new bunch of people to break in, pray for me.  ;-0

I'm going to start keeping a notebook

so I can write down all the great ideas I get for blog posts and then promptly forget.  Which, in turn, forces me to write about forgetting all the brilliant things I want to write about.

Super interesting I'm sure.  Way to get readers indamanda!  go you!

And in order to help myself fulfil my goal of actually blogging more than twice every two years here's a random list of stuff:

1.  If I get up in the middle of the night I can't go back to sleep on the same side I woke up on.

2.  I don't trust people that claim to be unable to walk in high heels (barring actual physical impairment, obviously).

3.  The "stench" of my nighttime moisturizer actually forced BC to sleep on the couch the other night.  It was expensive, I'm not not using it.

4.  Sometimes I like to browse "everything" on Pinterest and laugh at how crazy people are.  Then I look at my own boards and realize I was kind of laughing at myself.

5.  My favourite number is 37.  I blame Sweet Valley High.

6.  I don't understand twitter.  I have a twitter but don't think I use it correctly.  (@indamandajones)

7.  I think I want to start watching Dr. Who but don't know where to start.

8.  I have to do a crossword puzzle before I can go to sleep.  Always in ink.

9.  I am pretty sure that I'm a better mom on the days I pretend I'm the nanny.

10. I never did a 40 before 40 list.  I don't really mind.

11. I also don't trust people who don't drink caffeinated beverages, smile too much or claim to be happy all the time.

12. Sometimes I feel guilty about abandoning proper books for my Kobo, but then I realized it's 1 am and I'm 2/3 of the way through a trilogy that must be finished that night.

13. I have been watching "The IT Crowd" which is fun but mostly it makes me miss JPod.

14.  I may have double spaced this list to make it look like a longer post.  ;)

3 am inventions

So I am making a wish for a computer that could transcribe my thoughts because I write brilliant, witty, profound blog posts at 3 am when I can't sleep.

I could get up out of my warm and cosy bed and actually commit these brilliant, witty, profound thoughts to "paper" but then I would have to leave my warm and cosy bed.  Nope, instead I am requesting that someone invent a computer that can transcribe my thoughts.  NOT all my thoughts, that would be terrifying, but the ones earmarked for literary brilliance.

I have a vague recollection of reading a teen romance novel about two teenagers in Silicon Valley in the 80s and the girl had a computer she could "think" to.  Anybody remember this book?  I am hoping to find it so I can re-read it and steal its ideas.  For some reason the image in my head of the hero is kind of a cross between teenage Patrick Dempsey and Charles Shaughnessy.  The heroine looked like me, obviously.

So, if anyone has a computer like this can they lend it to me tonight, around 3 am?  Thanks in advance.

I hate January 22nd

To be more specific I hate the night of January 22.  Tonight is the 6th anniversary of the night before my daughter was born.

I was in the hospital with a pregnancy that statistically should already have failed.  I had been given a tour of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), met with the head neonatologist and been given the kind of statistics that are so bad you can't even process them 6 years later.  My amniotic fluid was dropping, my blood pressure was starting to spike, I had absent end flow in my left uterine artery and given the room for error in the ultrasounds we didn't even know if she was big enough for the resuscitation threshold.

That's a thing.  The Resuscitation Threshold. Who knew?  It's 500 grams, if your RT has a tube small enough on hand.

If she was big enough, they could resuscitate and then feed her intravenously and hope that she continued to grow.  Not too fast and not too slow.  Too fast and bad things happen; too slow and bad things happen: brain haemorrhages, necrotizing enterocolitis, heart murmurs, retinopathy of prematurity (which can lead to blindness), not to mention cerebral palsy and hosts other things I have blocked from my memory.

Back to tonight.  I was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a fetal monitor, my husband asleep on the very uncomfortable cot beside me snoring.  All I could do was watch the monitor.  Every blip meant that she was still alive.

I was awash in guilt and despair.  I couldn't even manage to be pregnant, how could I be a mom?  How could I be a mom to a sick baby?  a special needs baby?  any baby?

Nurses kept coming in and telling me to go to sleep and finally got an order for Ativan.  That did not work.  Despair wins every time.

By the time morning rolled around I was so tired and scared I was a zombie.  When she was delivered - 4:42 pm, January 23, 2007, 1 lb 8 oz - I am not sure I even knew my own name.  Then Debbie the scrub nurse showed me the top of a teeny tiny head the same size as my fist. She asked me what the baby's name was.  I said Charlotte Evelyn.

I held her for the first time when she was 5 days old for about 15 minutes.  I held her again 7 days later.  February 18th she joined "The Kilo Club" and February 19th we had a meeting with the Dr. who told me that I would probably take a baby home.  It took 98 days but we did, on April 30th.

We are so lucky and so fortunate that, knock wood, we have not had any serious on-going side-effects from the prematurity and lots of therapy has almost convinced me it's not my fault. But that does not mean the despair doesn't come to visit every now and then.  Especially tonight.

If you'll excuse me I need to go and do my nightly check to make sure everyone's still breathing.

Because I'm a mom.  A good one.

so I have this new theory

I have a lot of theories.

But my latest has to do with why people have more than one child.

It's an idea that is very similar to people with a gadget addiction. No matter what, you can get the latest greatest thing and there is always something better out 2, 4, 6 months later. Better strollers, bottles, diapers, etc.

I am a one child parent. And I like it that way; I would be completely overwhelmed and not a happy person with more than one child but I do love a baby and I love the latest and greatest. So the best way to keep this under control is to have friends with multiple children. That way you can buy the good stuff and see it used and babysit the new-born and get your fix without the horrors of pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights and sore boobs.

btw. I am not a fan of pregnancy as it did not serve me well; I am the mom of a 1 1/2 pound preemie. To help support preemies and their parents please sponsor us!!!

The Pedal for Preemies team Charlotte's Web. That is a picture of Charlotte at 5 days old 640 gram (1 lb. 7 oz.)

weird things my iPod does.

Disclaimer: I listen to a lot of cheesy historical romance audiobooks, hence some of the titles are a little ....

I recently had to replace the hard drive on my iBook. While I luckily did not loose too much information it now does some wonky things when it synchs. It matches album covers to book titles. These are some of my recent favourites:

Affair = NIN, With Teeth

Heartbreaker = The Killers

I Thee Wed = Pussycat Dolls

Manhunt = Jagged Little Pill

Mischief = Robbie Williams

Murder List = So This Is Goodbye

Mystique = Amy Winehouse

Slightly Shady = Blur

this and that

1. Invented a new cocktail today: "Out of olives or lemon and craving a vodka martini? Just add a splash of limocello. The Liquitwist!"

2. Made linguini from scratch today. Haven't done that in ages and really feel sad because it is totally worth the effort (which is minimal really).

3. Put the "chiller" in the freezer in order to make home-made ice cream tomorrow.

4. Brownies should only be eaten when accompanied by XOCO CAVA Italian Hazelnut Ice Cream. Seriously.

5. Have resolved to actually use the exercise bike this week. Only three days left.

6. Loving Human Target. I don't care. Mock away.

7. I also loved the The A Team movie.

8. Seven boys and ZERO girls have RSVP'd for Charlotte's Birthday party. Good thing we didn't go with a princess theme.

If my pet were an elephant

It might sum up the size of this pet peeve.

I hate SUVs. Hate them. I live in a city. I would not have a car were it not for our child.

If your car is named after something that belongs OUTSIDE, in the country, do not drive it in the city. You are clogging the roads, polluting the air, taking up parking spaces, making dangerous merges and generally annoying me.

If your car's name contains words like Rover, Avalanche, Tundra, Pathfinder, I am talking to you. *

If you drive a Suburban, keep it in the suburbs! It's in the name.

Don't even get me started on the Escalade. From the spanish: escalade |ˌeskəˈlād; ˈeskəˌlād|

noun historical; the scaling of fortified walls using ladders, as a form of military attack.ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from French, or from Spanish escalada, escalado, frommedieval Latin scalare ‘to scale, climb,’ fromLatin scala ‘ladder.’ It makes NO SENSE unless you're driving up the side of a mountain and the on-ramp to the DVP does not count!
OK. got that off my chest. Thanks.
* This means you: Cherokee, Equinox, Traverse, Escape, Explorer, Tahoe, Journey, Expedition, Everest, Outlander and Forester. And the Sequoia, Armada, Safari ....

too much to remember

In no particular order here are the things I expect my 3 1/2 year old to remember:

1. say please and thank-you

2. don't pick your nose

3. eat all your food

4. use the potty

5. put your toys away when done

6. when you want something ask nicely

7. poop every day

8. hold your crayon/marker properly

9. wear your hat when outside

10. don't jump on the furniture

11. don't kick the passenger seat in the car

12. take off your shoes when you come inside

13. use your good manners all the time

14. don't throw food on the floor

15. chew and swallow food

16. wear clothes

and I'm sure there are more. Is it too much?

An open letter

Dear Hollywood,

WHY??? How can you even think of making a US version of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?"

I'm sure the thinking goes that Americans are too lazy/dumb/anglo-centric to watch a movie with sub-titles. However your core audience is the people who read the book. It is not a short book. I would think that if someone is willing to put the time and energy into reading the book, they would have more interest in seeing the movie in the original language and in the actual settings.

To "americanize" this movie would be to lose the core that made the novel great.

my two cents.

when channel surfing = life evaluation

Channel 11 is showing Empire Records, a snapshot of what I thought was cool in 1995 (and what I was actually watching in 1995). Miniskirts and combat boots; the soundtrack (which I still love); boys with overstyled/I just got up in the morning hair, tattoos and plaid shirts. 1995 was not my best year. I focussed on things like Miniskirts and combat boots; boys with overstyled/I just got up in the morning hair, tattoos and plaid shirts and two dollar drinks.

And then channel 82 is showing Gladiator, the movie I should have been watching in 1995. I might have been inspired to do my Latin homework; not start researching papers the day before they were due; write more than one draft of a paper; find a focus beyond the social. Maybe I would have gotten into a better grad school, decided to do a PhD and had a completely different life.

But then I might not have this:

or my Vancouver friends, my Ottawa/PHI friends and my Toronto friends and I think, well, perhaps things worked out exactly as they were meant to.

Lessons of the day

It was a harsh and rainy day outside. So I stayed inside and learned a few things.

1. Roasted fennel is delicious. I abhor anise as a flavour. I cannot stomach black licorice, Anisette, or Sambuca. However, take a bulb of fennel, cut it into quarters and stick it in a hot oven for an hour and it is delicious. Isn't chemistry amazing?

2. If you don't mash chick peas before putting them in the oven you get crunchy hummus balls.

3. One can accomplish more in 45 minutes alone in the house than one can in 4 hours on a normal day. I have known this for a while but it always amazes me.

4. There are few things in life better than starting a new book by a favourite author.

5. I care a lot less about curling than other people seem to.

6. Even if you are not the person who attended "Max and Ruby" live on stage, you will still be singing the theme song for the rest of the day.

7. There is no end to laundry.

happy belated birthday to me

children's fairy tale pet peeves ...

So I am watching Beauty and the Beast for the gazillionth time and Charlotte just pointed out something very insightful. "Look Mummy, There's Gaston and his boyfriend LaFou."

Love it.

This also reminds me of some things that have been bothering me lately:

1. Had the good fairies waited until AFTER Aurora's 16th birthday to take her back to the castle, the whole pricking her finger, prince kissing thing could have been avoided.

2. Where is Snow White's father? There's a step-mother but no mention of the father. Trust me.

3. What kind of king doesn't realize that he doesn't have a "Marquis of Carrabas" in his kingdom. Especially one that lives less than a day's carriage ride away. (thank you repeated readings of Puss in Boots)

4. Where are Max and Ruby's parents? (OK, not a fairy tale but we see a lot of them)

5. You'd think that after their dance and walk in the garden, Cinderella might have bothered to tell the Prince her NAME.

too cynical?

eta: 6. When Chip turns into a human at the end why isn't there a huge scar on his head where the chip in his cup was?

18, nineteen, 20, ventuno

In no particular order, and it should be noted that my house is a mess, my kid is watching tv and she didn't get to bed last night until after 10. (courtesy of mummy and daddy wanting to eat in a nice restaurant. I seriously have the best behaved child ever).

Cocktails for Three by Madeleine Wickham (Sophie Kinsella's other name), this is a quick read. I read most of it while C. had her nap. Overall I found it engaging, though I would have liked slightly more background on the characters. I did identify with one characters struggle between work and motherhood. I think the blurb on the front "Deliciously funny ... witty and wicked" is misplaced as I found this much more emotional than most of her Sophie Kinsella books and she did not "go for the laugh" but tried to be true to her characters which are much more developed than the Shopaholic. Recommended.

Object of Virtue by Nicholas B.A. Nicholson. I totally scored at the 4 books for $10 table. I liked this book. Granted I love books about art but for a debut, I found this book quite engaging, the characters people I would like to have a drink with and the plot compelling.

A Venetian Affair by Andrea Di Robilant. I'll admit it, I bought this book for two reasons: the cover and Venice. This is a non-ficition account of an actual affair of one of the ancestors of the author. He uses letters of the lovers and other contemporary sources to flesh out the circumstances and society. This is not a quick read but a very interesting account of a structured and rigid society long past. For my own visual reference I used the Venice found in the movie Dangerous Beauty - which is nothing like the title suggests.

Augustus by John Williams. Ten years ago I could have written a thesis analyzing this book. Unfortunately my Augustan scholarship is not current and I content myself with Rome on DVD and novels for enjoyment. I found the authors imagined conversations and motivations very intriguing. I loved the glimpse into Augustus' personal relationships, which is an area where greater fictional liberty can be taken. All in all, I read this book for pleasure and it did not disappoint.

15 through 17

ahhh... I have a feeling my pace is going to slow down a lot. I am officially a stay-at-home-mom, sans nanny. No more afternoons hanging out at the library reading alone, no more movie matinees preceded by hours of browsing at the book shop... but Gymboree and Sesame Street are fun :)

15. The Flirt by Kathleen Tessaro. I loved her first book, Elegance and Innocence was OK. This novel was a little bit more edgy than Elegance and reminded me of Innocence but I enjoyed it more. I found the story line easier less convoluted and loved the characters. I recommend it but don't compare it to Elegance.

16. True Confessions by Rachel Gibson. A silly romp about a kooky small town, a tabloid reporter and a sheriff. Not literature per se, but deserved more than the 4 books for $10 table.

17. Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer. In my opinion the second best book of the series. There were parts of this story that really spoke to me that I will not discuss here because of spoilers. I enjoyed the character arcs immensely in this book and finally felt that Bella finally showed some growth.

fourteen

The Charlemagne Pursuit by Steve Berry. This was a bit of a first for me. The first time I read one of his books instead of listening to it. I am a huge fan of Scott Brick and Paul Michael's narrations. For some reason, even though I heard the voice in my head, I did not enjoy this as much as the others. I think I will have to listen to it. I found much of the details frustrating and the action stilted. It is hard to compare the experience, as I have not read a hard copy of his other books. I also found the premise of this book more contrived than the others. I would not recommend this one, but highly recommend The Templar Legacy.

Lucky 13

I went with vampires and werewolves for lucky number 13, ok not really, but it's a funny coincidence. Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer. I have noticed that the writing seems to be improving as the story moves along. I am enjoying the way all the characters are evolving (except Bella, who doesn't seem to grow). I am also very grateful that KG put me onto the leaked partial novel from Edward's point of view. I have much more understanding and sympathy for his character.

And I am excited because I found a copy of The Charlemagne Pursuit by Steve Berry at the library. It just jumped the queue.