Tuesday, June 20, 2006

everyone should know ...

Before you're allowed to graduate from High School you should know:

- what flatware to use in any dining situation (and how to set a proper table)
- how to sew on a button
- how to use an iron
- how to do laundry
- how to make a meal using more than one pot
- (boys only) how to tie a proper tie (clip-ons are for children)
- (girls only) how to walk in high heels (a topic controversial enough for its own post)

You should also
- achieve 90% or better on a test based on "The Urban Etiquette Handbook" It's not just appropriate for New York
- prove attendance at the symphony, ballet or opera
- write a 1000 words acknowledging and demonstrating why the book is always better than the movie

And finally you should take the following pass/fail test consisting of identifying the errors in the following statements (all based on actual statements made either in the media or in conversation and witnessed by persons known to me):

1) "Saddam Trial: Defense rests, calls for death penalty"
2) Speaking of an industry that is currently consolidating, it was noted that the industry is "balkanizing".
3) An on air CBC reporter who said Trinidad and Tobago fans are very compassionate about World Cup Soccer.
4) Complimentary means mutually supplying each other's lack
5) Using the term "dearth" when referring to something of which there is a lot. (especially when pronounced darth, as in Vader)
6) A headhunter in his written report said the candidate was very compassionate about his chosen field.
7) Brief (verb) means to interrogate (as a pilot) usually upon return (as from a mission) in order to obtain useful information

and I could go on.. it's/its, their/they're/there, your/you're, orient/orientate, ...

If you fail to observe something wrong with all 7 points above, please stop reading this blog.

1 comment:

indamanda said...

I officially excuse you, as the error was due not to ignorance but laziness. Laziness is a whole other ball of wax. Where does that saying come from? Why would you need a big ball of wax? I'm very sleepy and a little confused ... what were we talking about?